Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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