did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
