Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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