The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
