we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
