Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
