Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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