3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
