I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
