i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
