Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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