While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
