oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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