Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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