I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
