the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
