how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
