What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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