Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
