I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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