I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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