everyone is single if you try hard enough
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
