And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My ass is underappreciated
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
