Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
