So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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