Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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