Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
