If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
