I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
