i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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