she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
