So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
