dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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