so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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