So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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