He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
