Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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