It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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