ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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