my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
