It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
