hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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