why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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