Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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