i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
