wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drunk is not a location!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
