Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
