dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
