youre lurking in front of me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
