but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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