Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
