i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
