my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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