I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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