Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize