Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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