Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
