you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
