It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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