How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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