there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
