i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
