I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Soap is not a condiment
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
