Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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