Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
