their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
