Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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