the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
