whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize