Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
