The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
