Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
