so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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