She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
