Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
