one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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