Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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