we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
