the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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