I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
