trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
