I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
