one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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