I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
