i was born a porn star she said
i think i have two assholes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
