It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
