I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
