I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
