He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
