she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
