I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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