Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
