She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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