hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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