i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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